


Enchanted

by questionablesidekick



Category: Constantine (TV), The Addams Family (1991)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, everyone wants a threesome, john is very bi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/questionablesidekick/pseuds/questionablesidekick
Summary: John comes to the Addams for use of a spell, only to encounter a bit of fun along the way.





	

There was a very loud bang. 

 

Now, in the Addam’s house, such bangs were commonplace, even expected. If there wasn’t a bang resounding somewhere through the house at any given time it could only be assumed that the entire family was out- which never ended well for the town- or that the entire family was planning something- which never ended well for the country.

 

Of course, the reason behind this bang was that someone had just entered this house, with, shall, we say it, a bang.

 

Lurch stepped out of the closet, wearing a frilly apron that would look better placed in a porno. The visitor didn’t blink at the odd image Lurch made, instead smiling sharply. 

 

“You. Banged?” Lurch asked, staring down at him.

 

“ ‘lo,” the visitor offered, “It’s been a while.”

 

Lurch blinked. Slowly he reached into his pocket, mismatched fingers fumbling a little bell. The barely audible tingle brought a disembodied hand, which jumped into the air upon spotting their visitor. It then scurried off deeper into the house.

 

“ Any way a poor thirsty man could get a drink?”

 

Lurch groaned and lurched further into the house. The visitor followed, expertly stepping over the snarling rugs and the occasional scattered beartrap. “Ah, kids.” He remarks, nimby skipping over one. 

 

Lurch groaned in agreement and opened the oddly kitchen door. The visitor wandered inside, unintimidated by the full foot that the butler had on him. 

 

“John Constantine, as I live and breathe!” He turned towards the shriek, and grinned.

 

“Grandmama,” he said, bowing dramatically to kiss her wrinkled hand. She cackled. 

 

“It’s been much too long.” Grandmama said, shoving past John to disappear deeper into the kitchen. John took the shove with good grace, following her in. He was still hoping for that drink.

 

Grandmama shoved a flask at him, steam escaping around the sealed cap. Constantine opened it, and without looking at the contents, downed a good bit of it. He paused, and took a cautious sip. “Hellspore?”

 

“Side of hellhound blood as well- diluted with tears of a virgin of course- with a chaser of whiskey.” Grandmama explained. She paused. “Hellspore for flavoring.”

 

“Delicious,” John decided, and took another swing. He was either going to die in the next ten minutes, or he was going to get an excellent buzz. He honestly wasn’t sure which he would prefer.

 

He stayed by the counter, nursing the flask Grandmama had given him, watching her cook. He was waiting for the inevitable explosion when the heads of the family came downstairs. “That smells.” He nodded towards the caldron simmering on the fire. It smelled like something had died and then vomited up rat shit.

 

“It’s dinner.” Grandmama cackled, throwing something vaguely fleshly looking inside. The smell, if it was possible, worsened. 

 

John stuck his nose inside the flask. It smelled slightly better.

 

There was a sudden ruckus, and John watched with no small amount of interest as there was shouting, shortly followed by Gomez running down the steps. Morticia followed at a more sedate pace, her gown trailing along the edges of the floor. 

 

Gomez collided with John. John nearly dropped the flask, but managed to shove it onto the counter at the last minute. He was forcibly shoved up against the counter, and John made a pleased noise when Gomez kissed him. 

 

John broke the kiss when he noticed Morticia. He raised his eyebrows, smirked. “Give us a kiss, then, love?” 

 

His lip was bloody. He absently sucked on it, staining his teeth a bright bloody red. 

 

Morticia sniffed, and kissed him on the cheek. It left a bright red stain in the perfect shape of her lips. John laughed and grabbed the the flask, offering her a sip. She took the offering, ruby red lipstick staining the edge of the flask. “Mama, you made this?” she asked, handing the flask back to John. 

 

“Who else?” Grandmama replied, hunched over the cauldron. She was the picture out of the classic halloween tales, grey hairs fritzing out over the edges of her hat, green light illuminating her face.

 

“It’s a classic.” Morticia complimented. She turned towards an amused John, still sipping at the flask. “I do assume you’re here for use of our library.”

 

John scratched the top of his head. “Actually, I need to borrow one of the enchantments.”

Addams’ enchantments were notorious for only remaining safely within the minds of Addams magic users. Knowledge was meant to be shared, and the Addams would gladly give the use of their library to any friend that asked. 

 

But Addams magic did not take kindly to being shared unless you were family.

 

Morticia blinked, taken aback. “Of course, follow me.” 

 

She went back up the stairs. 

 

“Spell library is downstairs, querida.” Gomez called, pulling a cigar out of his pocket, “Of course, John already knows the way to the bedroom.” He lit it with a touch of his finger, grin widening.

 

“Of course,” Morticia descended the stairs, an enchantress out of a storybook. “Fun shall, of course, come as a reward.”

 

John choked on his flask. 

 

“This way,” Morticia swept down the hall, Gomez and John following in her wake. John had his hand down the back of Gomez’s pants.

 

The library was barely lit, candles hovering over desks, wax spilling onto the desk. There was an occasional growl, echoing from the depths. It was always followed by a loud rattle of chains. 

 

Gomez passed John his lit cigar. John made a face and flicked the ash in the direction of the growls before taking a drag. “Disgusting.” He proclaimed, passing the cigar back. 

 

“Just like you,” Morticia said fondly, “Over here, mon cheries.”

 

“Tish, that's French!” 

 

“Not in front of the books!” 

It took them a while to find the book that John needed. They kept getting distracted in the stacks, both by John’s easily distracted tendencies and wandering hands. The spellbook snarled as Morticia withdrew it from the shelf, but quited once she stroked an idle hand down the spine. 

 

“Might I ask what you need this for?” Morticia asked. She handed the volume to John, who started flipping through.

 

“Tips for the bedroom?” Gomez suggested.

“Field trip to hell, actually.” He looked at the two of them, a hopeful look dawning on his face, “Do I still get that threesome?”


End file.
